' If you're willing to change the world
Let love be your energy
I can't contain how I feel
When your love shines down on me
Well if you want it come and make a stance
So when it's in your hands
People show me love'

Beautiful song that never fails to inspire me.
I need to love myself, respect myself, honor myself.
For what I am, just the way I am.
I feel thankful for my gift of life, just living itself, it is a chance.
So why? Why do I descend into this abyss of self-destruction?
Again and again I ask myself.
It tears me apart. I hurt myself.
I do not know why I go for those long, long runs.
I do not know why I step into the grocery store.
I do not know wny I stuff myself.
I do not know why I starve nyself.
I do not know why I am so afraid, so alone, so desperate.
I just know that this feels like hell. I feel so drained of every ounce of energy, I wish I would die in my sleep.
I fear people. I am so scared to meet my friends, all of them.
I lie to them. Scathing, horrid, scorching lies.
To lie to yourself is the greatest lie of all they say. And so it is.
Who am I? What am I?
No one understands me. They do not know how I feel. How it hurts, how it haunts me, how it wrecks me.
Yes, I am weak, but I am sick of all these expectations. I have nothing left for you.
I cannot live like this anymore.
'I rise from my ashes, with my red hair, and i eat men like air.'